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| How do you spell deja vu? |
Christmas was a bastard. I don't know how three months escaped my sense of time, but there they went, and other things too, and suddenly it was March and nothing had really improved. My partner left me. I took such measures to avoid giving them away, but I suppose now it doesn't matter and her name was Helen.
Helen's a soldier and as such has sexual health checks every six months or so. This time one came back positive and as she hadn't been with anyone else it must've been me. Therefore, understandably, she left me. I know I deserved it. I do know and I don't need anyone else to tell me. I get scared and I can't say no and I never want to do it but I don't know what else to do and I'm so, so sorry, Helen. I only cared about you. They just frightened me and you know how badly that can go.
Thank you for the care and the patience and the love. You kept me going. I don't know if I could regret anything more, and I hope you can forgive me one day.
You are the wonder that's keeping
The bright stars apart
My muse
And my marvel
And half of my heart.
Sorry, darling.
